As humans, we are designed to survive. We are equipped to avoid what threatens us, to seek what satisfies us, and to seek the connection between what gives us a sense of belonging and security.
Our survival instinct often leads us to adapt to our environment. This can even lead us to lose ourselves and adapt almost completely to our environment and to what (we think) is expected of us, in order to survive. We try to be someone we are not. This often leads to stress and anxiety, the tendency to want to protect our ego and a narrowed experience of life.
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I myself call these fitted survival strategies also our “combat suit self”, our battle gear. There’s an old Polish story that captures this well and I’d like to share it with you here:
“Zumbach the tailor had an unrivalled reputation. It was said he could make clothes to fit anyone. So my grandfather went, was extensively measured, and ordered his suit. A week later he collected it and tried it on. He took it back to Zumbach and complained that the left sleeve was a little longer than the right. ‘Not a problem,’ said Zumbach, ‘just lift your right shoulder up a little.’ My grandfather did as he was asked, and sure enough, the two cuffs were now the same length. But a few days later he went back again and said the right trouser leg was a little short. ‘Don’t worry,’ said Zumbach, ‘just bend your left leg a little and I think you’ll find it fits.’ Sure enough, the two trouser legs now matched perfectly. A third time he went back. ‘It’s too loose over the shoulders,’ he said, ‘the cloth wrinkles up.’ ‘Easy,’ said Zumbach, ‘hunch your shoulders forward a little and push your chin out.’ And sure enough, the cloth stretched and flattened out and there was not a wrinkle in sight. As Grandfather was on his way home, he passed a man in the street who said, ‘Don’t tell me. You got that suit from Zumbach.’ ‘So I did,’ said Grandfather, ‘how can you tell?’ ‘He’s an amazing tailor,’ said the man. ‘Only Zumbach could possibly make such a perfect suit for a man with as many deformities as yourself.’”
[Derived from the version of an old Polish story recounted by Ram Dass in Still Here, Putnam: New York, 2000]
We are often so busy living up to what other people expect of us, to live up to the norm, that we can lose ourselves completely. And in addition, we often also have the tendency to blame other people or circumstances for this.
Our battle gear can make us hard and inflexible like a suit of armor. It can create a distance and make others feel that we are unapproachable. And it can feel very heavy to carry it around.
However, we can come back to ourselves and throw off the yoke of the fitted straitjacket. Mindfulness, empathy and wonder are instruments that can help us to get rid of the straitjacket.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness can help us, especially when we are in a strong fight-or-flight response. By being mindful we gain a more complete awareness of our body and mind, our state of being. This offers space to be able to listen to what our intuition has to tell us, so that we can start living more from our authentic self. This reduces stress and anxiety and increases self-confidence.
Empathy
Empathy gives us the capacity to sense what something is like for someone else. And by having empathy, we can love and accept others as well as ourselves, because we can see the in the end we are all striving to lead a happy and peaceful life. Having compassion for every living being, including ourselves, enriches our lives. By embracing both our strengths and our weaknesses, we honor ourselves. It empowers us to be vulnerable, which in return makes us more relatable to others, thus strengthening our relationships. In this way being your true self is actually worth it.
Wonder
Wonder and awe can be very beneficial for living your true life. Being open to new experiences, things, information and people without an already set frame of mind will open up many more opportunities in life than you can think of. The awe and wonder that can arise from just being curious and truly absorbing your environment in what you see, hear, smell, taste or touch, can give you that wonderful childlike feeling of amazement, astonishment and fascination.
Bottom line
Stop adapting and start living your true life by applying mindfulness, empathy and wonder. You will be amazed by what it can bring you!
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